On Friendship, and the Joy of Connection

On an ordinary Tuesday, I was sitting on a bench near the Caritas fountain, bathing in the sun before class. Then a girl came up and sat next to me. Her name was Fanni, and she was from Finland, only here in Copenhagen for a week. She asked me nervously if I knew any places to visit. I thought long and hard about it before giving her several answers.

Little did I know that we’d heartily talk for over an hour, her asking about my life, me asking about hers. Nor did I anticipate meeting her for coffee the next day or meet up the next day for coffee. Our short friendship, I think, was a recognition of the possibility of seeing yourself in someone else and being absolutely delighted by it. 

Since she was leaving Saturday morning, and our schedules didn’t align for the rest of the week, the last day we hung out was on Thursday. We met up right where we’d first met, the sun shining, and had a sad goodbye, never to see one another again.

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I didn't know what to expect about making friends abroad, and have since learned that it is a pretty unique experience. In the beginning, I felt like everyone I met at DIS was very open and friendly, but I found myself lacking those deeper connections I was so used to from my friends at home. And as impatient as I was, I had to recognize that those would take a little longer.

People also have all sorts of expectations for their lives when going abroad. Some people have a ton of friends from home who are also in the program and exclusively hang out with them. Some people have no one and are starting completely from scratch. Meeting everyone where they are can be tough, but being open towards people you are genuinely interested in is never a bad place to start.

Walking through everyday life, my roommates are my saving grace. You never know what you are going to get when living with random people, but I’ve lucked out. Cindy, Elizabeth, and Emma are some of the most earnest people I have ever met, and I really enjoy spending a lot of my time with them. 

DIS also has a couple of built-in opportunities to not only meet people but also know them beyond the classroom in great ways. During my field studies for my electives, I had a low-stakes environment to get to know the people I sat next to every day, which is really nice. The two study tours with your core course also require you to spend pretty much every single waking hour together, and if that doesn’t bond you, nothing will. 

There are so many friends with whom I already wish I had spent more time as the semester comes to a close. Why didn’t we? Because we thought we had so much time. As the semester ends, we scramble, hoping to see one another at least one more time.

And even though we might not see one another again, I think it’s sort of beautiful how people you knew for such a short time can have such an impact on your life. And they will always be entwined with your experience abroad. 

Above all, I've learned that it's okay to not have super close friends for the entirety of your time here. Sometimes you end up with casual acquaintances that you really like, but aren't quite close to, and that's okay. The memories that you make with those people are still worth cherishing.

So, making friends while studying abroad is a complex thing. You have time to bond, but that time is terribly limited. You might meet someone that effects you enormously for a couple of days and never see them again, or have a steady stream of acquaintances that keep you going for the entire semester. Either way, meeting people you connect with and come to care for is irreplaceable, especially abroad.